Broken..I don't even know what to say. This post is going to be filled with words and my rants. So you can either choose to read my rants or you could just exit this blog and do something else that is much more worth it than reading this post.

Things have been bothering me a lot these few days. I don't know why. It's either I'm thinking too much or I'm just pmsing. I need a place to rant out my feelings. Twitter doesn't help because only 140 characters are allowed and Facebook is just filled with judgmental people. I was thinking about getting a diary and just write everything out but there's one small problem. I'm too lazy to write and I prefer to type it out. I honestly don't understand what am I doing with my life. The amount of things that are bothering me is too much. My heart feels so heavy all the time. Why? cause I think too much. I often think a lot. I try to tell myself to just screw everything and relax and not think about it but I'm really stubborn cause I can't seem to stop thinking about everything. Sometimes I wonder why do some girls *especially me* think so much for? It just leads me to depression . I constantly feel like crap and shit about myself. I question myself all the time. "Why am I so pathetic? Why can't I be normal like other girls? Why must I think so much? Why am I so insecure? Why am I like this? Why can't I be like her? Why can't he like me back? Why must people do this to me? Why am I so useless?" WHY??why??why?? People often see me as the "Happy" one who laughs and annoy people a lot even though sometimes I seem really depressed but I really can't hide my feelings that time. Nobody wants to be depressed. Nobody wants to feel like shit all the time. Nobody does. It's just so hard when nobody understands you. You've got nobody to tell your real feelings to.. not even your very own trusted best friend. Why? Cause you might think that your best friend might judge you too... what's worse is when you really tell your best friend about it and she replies like she doesn't care at all. It hurts okay? It hurts me a lot. It hurts me so much when I try to tell my problems to somebody I really trust and that person just acts like it's non of their business. Who can I turn to? Nobody... It sucks to be the person who is always there for somebody when they have problems but when you have problems, nobody will help you. Nobody will care for you. I often ask myself.. "why do you even care when they don't even care about you?" I try to not care so much about other people but I don't why i just can't. I can't help it okay. I just have to help people who are in trouble. its just my personality. It's just...me.

People often lie to me. Why? Why must you lie? They often give me false hopes. Making me fall for their tricks and end up regretting about it. I really can't stand liars. I'd rather hear the ugly truth than to listen to the sweet lies. I'm sorry for being such an emotional freak okay? Everybody has got to have ups and downs in their life and it seems that I'm currently having downs in my life now. I try my best to feel happy and make myself happy all the time by not thinking bout it but I can't. I really can't. I can't just hold back my feelings and everything to myself. I can go crazy you know? There's nobody that I can turn to. I often feel disappointed at myself for trusting people easily.
Always being there for people who don't even care about you. Always being there for people who only need you when they are in trouble then ditch you when they have other things to do and you're just invisible to them. So far, the only way for me to really express my feelings is by listening to music. I swear when you're really depressed, all those emo songs just makes a lot of sense and it's like the song understands you more than anybody else. I have to be strong. Strong to face all of this.